All my fault
by Strawberry Song
Summary: After Spike ends up in the hospital due to a terrible accident, Rainbow Dash contemplates on whether or not it's her fault, and the one thing she could have done to prevent it from happening.


**Author's Note**

This is an older story of mine, so it has more mistakes than I'd like to admit. You may have seen this posted already over on Fimfiction, and if you have, please don't bother saying anything.

Enjoy, I guess. This should be longer, but I don't feel like re-writing it.

* * *

I brushed back my rainbow bangs with a shaky hoof. The small room I was standing in was dimly lit by the pale moonlight, courtesy of the Princess of the Night. There were hardly any lights on to guide the ponies residing in Ponyville through the night. Ha... of course there wouldn't be. Nopony in their right mind would be wandering the streets this late at night unless they were up to no good. What time was it, anyway? I turned my gaze over to the small clock hanging on the wall.

"2:00 am..." I muttered. "It feels like I've been here longer than that..." I took a deep breath as my body shook uncontrollably. Despite the room being a warm temperature, my entire body felt frozen solid. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping all of this was just a dream. I didn't want to be here. My surroundings were eerily quiet, and the situation at hoof was anything but hopeful. Maybe... I was just at my cloud home having a bad dream. I'd be an absolutely terrible friend for dreaming this, but it was better than this situation being real. My thoughts were crushed by reality as I heard hoofsteps pass by the door, along with a couple feminine voices. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but they were undoubtedly discussing the problem that layed before me.

I opened my eyes again, choking back the tears that desperately wanted to be released. I wasn't a little filly, and nopony was going to see me cry. I'm freaking Rainbow Dash, the coolest and fastest flyer in all of Equestria. No matter what happened, I Did. Not. Cry. Twilight had outright called me selfish and stubborn for my attitude, but she wasn't in the best mood when she had told me that. I honestly had to wonder, though... was she right?

"You're so stupid..." I whispered to the figure lying on the white bed before me. The figure was someone I had been friends with for a long time, ever since he had moved to Ponyville all those years ago. He had really grown since I first met him... he had started off shorter than me, but was now reaching a few inches taller than me. The scales that were on his head were starting to get sharper, along with his already indestructible teeth.

I put my hoof to my mouth as I continued to stare at him, wondering if this was the same dragon I knew or not... His torso was wrapped up in a white gauze, covering the deep cuts that were there. The doctor had to be careful of the spikes that were on his back, to make sure she didn't cut herself by mistake. The purple scales on his body had turned into a very pale lavender color, which had sent the doctor into a state of panic. His entire body had wires and tubing connected to him, that were hooked up to a strange machine. It was a new invention that a pony in Canterlot had come up with, supposedly to keep a patient breathing without the need of a unicorn being there.

I... really don't know how to explain what happened. The night he left for the Dragon Migration for the second time was one that still haunted me.

* * *

_I flew over Ponyville as quickly as I could, with my eyes scouring the ground in search of a certain drake. Fluttershy was in a state of panic when she found me, and I had barely heard a sentence that had come out of her mouth. It was something about Spike leaving for the Dragon Migration, which I really had a hard time believing. After his first attempt to go a few years back, I was positive he'd never want to deal with that again._

_The wind started to pick up the speed, and I found myself flapping my wings harder with every passing minute. It had completely slipped my mind that a downpour had been scheduled for today, and it looks like I was going to get caught in it. Ignoring the sound of thunder, I continued to search for Spike, until I finally found him near the edge of town. I flew up in front of him and sighed._

_"Just where do you think you're going?"_

_Spike didn't say anything. He just stared at me with those freaking emerald-colored eyes I had grown used to looking at. A loud clap of thunder was heard following a bright flash behind him, and the first few drops of rain began to fall on us. Spike seemed unaffected, however, as his gaze continued to stay fixated on me. He started to walk past me, and I grabbed his shoulder with my hoof in an effort to make him stop. Physical contact wasn't really something I was good at, and Spike knew that very well. As soon as my hoof had hit his shoulder, he stopped dead in his tracks._

_"Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity... They're all going to be worried sick about you. Don't you even care?" I demanded an answer, tightening my grip when he he didn't answer me. I had no idea why he wasn't responding, but it was really getting on my nerves._

_I turned his body around to face me, my emotions swirling around in me. Anger, betrayal, and... Was that sadness? Oh, don't be ridiculous, Rainbow. I glared daggers at him and finally, he gave the tiniest of nods. It wouldn't take a genius to know those three, especially Twilight, would be worried about his well-being. Twilight had always been close friends with him, ever since Princess Celestia had formally introduced them during Twilight's first year of training with her. Even when he she moved to Ponyville and became friends with the five of us, Spike had still remained her closest and dearest friend. She had nearly broken into a state of panic when Spike had told her he was going to join the Dragon Migration the first time, so I can't imagine what would happen when I told her and he was already gone._

_"Listen... I know things have been tough for you. It's been difficult living in Ponyville ever since you hit your growth spurt. It's not your fault, though! It's this thing called "puberty", you idiot! The ponies in town aren't shunning you, they're worried about you! They're afraid your dragon instincts are going to take over again, and it'll be like your birthday a few years ago!" I took a deep breath to get control over myself. Why was I getting so worked up about this? I knew he'd eventually return, so why was I yelling at him? It's not like I was afraid he'd forget about me... that's just ridiculous._

_For the first time in since I had approached him, Spike spoke. "I'm sorry..." he muttered. I saw his emotions flicker in those eyes that always sparkled, and regret with a hint of sadness filled his eyes. When he looked at me, guilt flickered into the mixture and he frowned. But... what was he guilty for? I had already forgave him for accidentally burning off my tail months ago. After all, it's just a tail, and mine was halfway grown back already._

_"Why...?" I asked, completely hesitant to what his answer may be. He stared at me for another minute, before he shook his head and looked away._

_"Dash," he spoke in a gentle voice, "You know as well as I do. All the things I've burned by mistake... The few things I've stolen from you, of all ponies. My dragon instincts are kicking in, and the best way to learn to control them is being around other dragons." He smiled for a brief second, but that was quickly replaced with another frown when he saw the shocked and disgusted look on my face._

_"That doesn't make any sense!" I shouted at him. "Dragons are greedy jerks!"_

_"Exactly," he responded. When I gave him a dumbfounded look, he continued. "I should be able to learn how to control my fire breath from one of them, and even that isn't the main reason I'm going. Maybe... If I stick around them long enough to realize how horrible they were, I'd be able to prevent myself from turning into one of them."_

_I wanted to say something, anything to get him to stay. However, his once sad expression had been replaced by a determined glare that was fixed straight on me. I knew then that Spike wasn't risking his life to go on the Dragon Migration for nothing. He was convinced that he had to be there, and I knew that nothing I said would change that. I would never understand his reasoning or that sad, dreading look in his eyes that had been there for a few months. He had obviously been thinking about this for a while, and he knew the possible consequences if he went._

_"This is suicide, you know." I tried once more, but my meager attempt at convincing him to stay was weak. "You're gonna get yourself killed."_

_That determined glare told me that he knew the risk he was taking, but he just didn't care. I sighed, my shoulders slumping along with the rest of my hopes of having him stay. "Oh, for Celestia's sake." I groaned, surprising both myself and Spike by pulling him into a tight hug. I had never actually hugged him before, so this was completely awkward for both of us._

_His arms stayed limp at his side for a few moments, before I felt his claws hesitantly wrap around me. "I'm sorry..." he muttered again. Despite not being able to see his face at the moment, I could tell he meant it. We had spent a considerable amount of time together over the past couple of years, and this was no way to say goodbye. The rain that was pouring down on us didn't make things easier, it just made it harder in the long run. Situations and decisions like this didn't exactly call for one of Pinkie's famous "Farewell" parties, either._

_I pulled back and scowled at him. Lightning struck and lit up the dark sky that was looming over the two of us. "Damn it, Spike. Just... Be careful. Try not to get your stupid ass killed." I muttered before I took off into the storm._

_So much for convincing him not to go. Twilight and the others were going to be panicking when I got back. How was I supposed to tell them that I just let him go? I usually would've tried to drag his tail back home instead of giving up so easily. Why did I wimp out and hug him instead? I grunted in frustration as I pressed my hooves against my face. Why was I blushing?_

_For a moment, I thought that I might have heard Spike call out something. I thought I might of heard him say my name, but any sound was drown out by the loud, rumbling roar of thunder. It must have just been my imagination._

* * *

I stared at the wall in disbelief as I played that scene over and over again. Why... did I just let him leave like that? How truly stupid was I? I closed my eyes as tight as I could, trying to hold back my tears yet again. As soon as we had all heard a few dragons had disturbed a family of Ursa, we rushed towards the area where the attack had supposedly taken place. The whole place truly did look look like a battlefield, with scenes I don't want to recall ever again. No living creature deserves punishment like that, not even the greediest of dragons.

I turned my gaze over towards the window again, which had a small, cushiony chair sitting under it. Twilight Sparkle sat peacefully in it, her eyes closed as a soft snoring sound whistled through her mouth. She had assured me she wouldn't have nightmares because of a magical necklace she had received from Princess Luna, so at least I didn't have to worry about her as well. Twilight's face, however, was still a deep red from all the crying she had done. Even though I was supposed to be the only one to stay with Spike, she had insisted that she stayed as well.

Twilight had brought this really big book with her, which she spent most of the day reading. She later told me she was studying the more advanced healing spells in an effort to keep Spike with us. The spell takes a lot out of the user, though, and it constantly must be in use in order to be effective. She told me if her horn stopped glowing to wake her up, because it was imperative that she use the spell at all times.

As stupid as I thought this was at first, the doctor had come in about in an hour ago with terrifying news. If it weren't for the spell Twilight was using, Spike would have died. His injuries were too severe to be treated, and Twilight had chosen not a moment too soon to cast her spell. My heart nearly exploded in my chest when I heard this, and thank Celestia that Twilight had already passed out. I can't even begin to imagine what would happen if she had heard it.

Still... Spike could have died, and it would be my fault... I was stupid enough to let him go, and he was attacked because of it. I reached one of my hooves over to rest on one of Spike's claws that sat limply on either side of his body. I sniffled, and found myself crying for the first time in several years... I squeezed my eyes shut as the first few tears began to fall down my face, and I put my other hoof over my eyes in a weak attempt to keep anypony from seeing me like this.

Oh, I probably looked absolutely pathetic right now. Me, Rainbow freaking Dash, was crying over someone! Not just any ordinary someone, but Spike. I was crying over almost losing the dragon I constantly teased on a daily basis. I had never actually come face-to-face with losing somepony, so I didn't know if I was supposed to feel this horrible or not.

But... you know what? I didn't even care anymore at this point. If Twilight were to wake up right at this moment, then so be it. Everything up to this point had been giving me emotions I had never felt before, and now I was releasing them all through my tears. It actually felt good to release my bottled up emotions, but I would never admit to that. It would completely trash my reputation. I can already see the headlines in the newspapers: 'Rainbow Dash, the fastest pony in all of Equestria, likes to cry'.

I felt myself blush when I realized my hoof was still on his claw, and I quickly retracted it. I wiped my eyes with my other hoof in attempt to dry my fur, but it was a wasted effort with the tears that were still falling down my face. Would Spike still want to be my friend after this? He couldn't possibly blame me because I didn't stop him... right? I kept my eyes fixated on his closed ones, expecting them to open at any minute.

"I'm sorry..."


End file.
